A new perspective

Ron failed two breathing trials this morning despite being calm and lucid. He wants out of the hospital so badly, he will do anything. He tried to write some messages, can communicate clearly with yes no questions and head shakes. He needs minimal sedation, despite the tube which would be a challenge for the rest of us. He is so brave I can hardly stand to watch.

I am crying right now because reality is sinking in. He is sicker than I thought, or anyone else thought. The issue is chronic lung issues complicated by two traumatic surgeries, the second of which almost killed him (new info to me). The likely scenario is continued sedation for next few days in order to gain strength, with a breathing trial each day. It is unlikely he will pass, and they will not risk extubating again unless he clears each hurdle with flying colors. Reintubation is bad enough, they will not risk a third time. I have done my online research, which is clear on this point.

If he is still here Monday, a tracheotomy will be performed so that he can at least get to a floor faster and get some rest. Ron and I are both okay with that. No floor can take him with the tube, and the ICU is anything but restful, even the ICU doctor agrees. But it is not a problem that can be fixed. A hard dose of reality, huh?

I have requested a pulmonologist be consulted sometime today, ideally his own pulmonologist who is associated with this hospital. I will post again after that meeting, but most likely there will be no new information. Facts are facts.

My plan is to spend some time tonight with Ari and David in Oak Park and get some rest. Dealing with the possibility of Christmas in Chicago.... it is snowing now, there are worse things that could happen. At least I know what I want for this Christmas and every other Christmas from now on. Let's pray for a "Hallmark" ending.

The Basket Case